Poetry

The Fear

A laughter, bold & bright
Stops abruptly, break adrift
An overwhelming fear comes crawling in
Losing sleep over broken ends
To be broken yet.

Fear of disapproval
Fear of dismay
It keeps me from myself
Locked in a shell at bay
Cringing at myself.

Out of nowhere
I am running out of hues
To paint the canvas of courage
A shrill of self-loathe & the fear
Out of blue.

A lying plethora of unsullied love
Awaits us as we walk out of bed
I wouldn’t know nor would I knit
A tale of love defying death
Rushing through the unknown crowd
Taking me out of a fears’ pit.

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Lost & Found

Shunned & Distorted
Waiting at the shore for a tide to arrive
The one that’d take me somewhere
I would rather want to be
The sea cries and hustles
Not a single tide reaches the shore
As the sun shines bright
Silence engulfs the shore
Serenity whispers,
Are you lost?
No.
Do you know where you want to go?
I do, actually.
I wake up & it was a dream
I was lying on my bed
Surrounded by silencing screams
Blown up covers move aside
A naked breeze broke the hive
I finally knew why the tide didn’t turn up
Or why the train didn’t arrive
I had stopped moving
And forgotten what it felt to be alive.

If I could

If I could change a thing about you
I wouldn’t
I would probably walk to you
In all the places old and new.

I would let myself fall in the bloody mud
Than never gone dirty at all
I would rather struggle through an endless ache
Than never want you at all.

I would rather be rebuilt
Than never be broken
I would rather wash my hands in a stream of blood
Dripping ahead, echoing the thuds.

I would walk and walk
To never stop again
If I sit and stop
What difference would it make?

I don’t know
I don’t ask

I would rather sing than quietly move ahead
I would rather know you a thousand times
Than let them put a crown to my head
I’d rather die than owe you a dime.

A journey transpired
Born out of discomfort
I wouldn’t take a moment back
Even if I could.

Strength & Belief

Strength is not restricted to the physical boundaries of its representation, it is not even restricted to being strong & brave all the time because sometimes strength is belief. And everything in life is corroded but hope and belief. Sometimes, all you can do is believe that this too shall pass and when you get out of it, you will just grow stronger of it, maybe a bit more broken but also enlightened and empathetic.

We think that the fallouts and the wreckage are meant to dismantle us but they are our only paths to transformation & change leading to something different that might not have been a part of our plan but now that moment has shown itself up, we can either stay buried by its weight or walk alongside it to figure out the way ahead.

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Getting up from a tragedy, moving on from a failure and healing from the chaos caused by the ambiguity of life is not a linear process; we evolve every day into becoming someone else entirely. Some days are meant to move forward and some are meant to take us back to square one but that doesn’t imply that we stop believing that if not at least for the better, things will change to being something else.

Life can be intimidating at times, it can grow inconspicuous or something extraordinary in a matter of life choices. I sometimes don’t know whether to be afraid of the vagueness or to happily embrace it because to be honest, it doesn’t make much difference. And hence it becomes important for us to keep trying and moving ahead in the directions that life takes us to, the resonance is more significant than the practicality and emotions are thriving more than anything metal.

Multiverse

We learn it the hard way
But isn’t belief what takes to create something?

I believe that parallel universes exist. There is one universe where justice is humane, one where it is balanced and one where it equates to settling of debts forever. There is one universe where I did not tell the lies, one where life wasn’t unfair, one where mankind helped the Earth and the one where we wouldn’t burn it all.

One of them has you and me
Where love breeds harmony
One where Joker wasn’t far enough to be reached
And Batman & Gordon really exist
Dormant deception of an alive Loki
One where Thanos found another way
And we didn’t need skeleton keys
Nobody fell to blood & dust
We rise as one led by Diana & Rey
A universe driven with love
Justice not equated to vengeance
Jason Todd breathing, making it to the entrance
Maroni isn’t potent, nothing his money behoves
One where Wanda & Quill aren’t to be blamed
None of them had to get their photos framed
Hell’s Kitchen was less of a mess
Vigilantes weren’t born out of duress
Murdock will not be found in a dump
Clint wouldn’t have to become Ronin
Where Wakanda flourishes without speed bumps
An ageless saga of yours & mine
Flourishing & not doomed to ruins.
I might not know what happens
On the other side of multiverse
I would hope & believe
Because that’s what any of us can do.

Abysmal tragedies and auburn skies don’t just knock on our doors, we must get through abhorrence to reach out to the universes beyond our ozone. Believe if you will, a toil it will take because faith doesn’t know love bound it only knows aurora & cosmos collapsing on one another to make us see beyond ourselves thereby not letting us find closure in darkness and light beyond time.

Facade of Being Woke Today

For so long young girls and women have been pitched against each other, our insecurities and insufficiency due to the misogynistic approach with which we grew up being used against us to create an environment where women have unknowingly been chauvinistic towards their own race. With more and more girls and women being educated and with all of us realizing the worth of freedom and independence, things sure have changed maybe even for better but a section of the female population is deluded, still.

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The value of Bechdel tests in real lives is still undervalued because irrespective of our thought process changing from what it used to be, it hasn’t evolved yet. Women are still asked and taught to willingly revolve their lives around men, girls are raised to see each other as competitors not even for job accomplishments (although too much of that can also be psychologically harmful) but for something as futile as men’s attention. Because humans are social animals so for the farthest of time I might choose to understand why women’s life is so affected and shaped by the male gaze; gender is very precisely a social construct more so than being a biological difference in humans. But after a while, with all the tools of your liberation at the your constant beck and call, if you still refuse to wake up and take hold of your life; I would believe very strongly that if not unconsciously it is your fault somehow that you are still oppressed and hurling yourself against other women for a man’s attention.

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I remember a male friend of mine, an unreasonably excited but a very kind and disdainfully progressive man who actively proclaims that things are not remotely as hard for women as they used to be(he knows because maybe men are immortal and he’s been here since ages), he has asked me on several occasions to not be so angry and possess some sort of humor (the kind that easily excuses sexism). He also recently held women responsible for their own oppression and was schooling me on how he believes we must stand up for ourselves etc. It isn’t surprising coming from a 21-year-old privileged male who actually believes that women are accountable for the age-old patriarchal system that has oppressed us over years and continues to do that even now. It is scary how ‘educated’ young men like him fail to see the upper hand they clearly have over most the situations only because they were born as a male, Hindu-male, Indian-Hindu-male, fair-complexioned-Indian-Hindu-male.

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I have another male friend who didn’t know that facial hair could grow in women, he just clearly discarded the notion and when I showed him my facial hair, he even continued to say ‘it is not normal’.

You might think that this being the 21st century and now that young men are advocating for women’s rights, things must be different. Trust me they are different but very vaguely evolved because even today when I talk to guys my age about women’s rights or choose to walk them through my experiences, or experiences of women around the world; they are not able to hold a conversation and it all comes back to me being exhausted & pained at the ignorance that they withhold. To be mean & prudent, I would say it all still translates to misogyny.

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The fact that I am done with asking men to be on the same page as us, includes the argument that I will not write any more about their deluded perceptions of femininity and equality.

Women are taught to pity the single women, the ones still searching for a purpose in life rather than giving in to a man’s charisma, traditionally unfeminine women, those aspiring to become something on their own; sounds outdated? No. The scenario is still the same but the pretense has changed and as Naomi Wolf rightly described in ‘The Beauty Myth’, that those questioning the  façade of ‘free will’ regarding the beauty myth that surrounds us must be fat, ugly, incapable of satisfying a man, “feminazis,” or—horrors—lesbians. There is an inadequate atmosphere of misunderstanding, distribution, cynicism, and unawareness amidst women, leading them onto the steps of the so-called ‘woke men’ exclaiming on top of their voice, “NotAllMen” and equally disappointing catchphrases.

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As much as I have seen insensitive and precisely superficial male friends (very obvious that not all of them are as dismissive of the idea of feminism and equality), I am blessed to have female friends who choose to raise their voices and while dodging the everyday misogyny they try uplift other women at the same time (again, not all of them have quite comprehended the effect of male persona on their individual lives but I am sure they will catch up soon).

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There was a time I remember when the internalized misogyny used to get the worse out of me and I used to consider ‘other girls’ boring, dumb, spineless and incapable of being as good as a man. Now I know that the only way we get through this is if we choose to stand with each other and not against each other. It is important that we have faith in our dreams, in our capabilities and in our will to be free and independent of desires & burdens, not ours to withhold and to seize the opportunities & joys only ours to behold.

Empathy

Threads in your heart

Stretch and quiver

Life in your soul

Lies and shivers

Breaking out of the tallest dome

Falling out of a vacant home

Not everyone knows

Not everyone feels

There is a world

Safe & sound

Where we heal together

On matters diverse

We help each other

On colours sundry to one another

We might not be our best shots at life

Or at each other

We wouldn’t know

But we would be there

Because I would believe

In the humanity we shared

I would believe, because

I feel for you.